Fear !!!!!!!!!!!

I fear not what i see ,
I fear what i cannot see ,
I fear not about things that are near me,
but i fear about things that are not near me,
I fear not people around me ,
I fear people who are not around me and whom i yet have to meet,
I fear not the discovered matter,
I fear matter which is yet to be discovered,
I fear not about the existing relations ,
I fear about the relations which will come into existence in future,
I fear not the world we live in and which exists,
I fear the world which we don't live in and have not yet seen or discovered.

Fear - which is within and outside but some are self created and some are just there to make life livable but also scary sometimes.

Life A ????????????

I sometimes think that my life like a question mark coz i have no clue as to what to do in life. People call me including myself confused. How am i supposed to clear my confusion. I also have a confidence problem (according to me very very low confidence almost like nil confidence now
:( ) which scares me n makes me tense. I am always worried & tensed about the smallest thing. I am more worried as to what willy future be & what am i going to do in life. And have other tensions i.e. house from where i dont wanna go & now added to my list of tensions is marriage. Marriage is the word which freaks me out be it any. Why cant i live in peace & may be a little happy staying single. May be if i feel after some years might decide to get married (which for now is a BIG NO ). I have no job in the field i have studied in & dont know where will life take me as LIFE IS UNPREDICTABLE. Dont know what bad or good is in store for me. I am tensed & scared .

JOB???????

Job .......when i did not have i was waiting for one n now when i have one .....i don't know how to handle. I mean the job is fine but the people do not want to do their work instead give the small ones to me , a work as smaal as calling up or picking a phone. Well my profile does not have all this then why should i do , i am not their slave but employee. And when i say no then see the face of the people full of anger. And i cant handle their work when i have my own to do. These people know how to suppress n get their work done from others. They exploited n got their work done for free from 2 of my friends n then said BYE BYE. How smart these production houses are when they have to get the work done for free. And if you keep doing what they say you will be dominated n suppressed n will not grow as an individual which i do not want to . Coz in school n college i have done work for others without saying anything n being suppressed. Now i don't care whther my boss tells me to leave but i doubt at the moment she will (but can't say) coz she needs people. But coz of the attitude of people there I don't want to work their myself despite it being my 1st job. The people's behaviour n attitude towards me is upseting me n making me cry dus to which my head pains, which i hate n want to just bang their heads ....arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh n i keep thinking that when he complains to my boss she will tell me to leave.In a way i don't care but as its my 1st job , i thought may be a few months n then i will leave. I don't know what to do. Why do i get such sick, lowlife people with too much attitude in my life. And this is not ATTITUDE but i am trying to be STRONG n save my SELF RESPECT n try to SPEAK UP n STAND UP for myself AGAINST the EXPLOITATION. I HOPE i can do it.

Wait & Patience !!!!!!!!!!

The word ' WAIT & PATIENCE ' are just mere words but are big for people who have to keep PATIENCE & have to WAIT for long to get what they want but a small word for those who immediately get things i.e. things they get easily without struggling or just asking & u get them. But I have been WAITING & keeping PATIENCE for a job but still am struggling to get a good one. I am just giving interviews & don't know how many i have given ( may be 20 or something). Well what to do , i don't know getting irritated but then i am helping my sister in the meanwhile but still want a good decent job. Don't know how many more interviews are lined up & how much more i will have to WAIT & have to keep PATIENCE. I am happy for my friends who got jobs but still I am waiting to get one myself. :( :(( :-< Hope i get one soon.

Sad :(

I am very very sad n upset coz i will have 2 shift which i don't want to. Why are people telling to grow up & not be sad......why can't i be sad or upset, when i have staying there since my birth till now. Obviously i will be attached to my house , so will be sad for leaving it. People are saying that you have to move on in life but i don't want to leave from here. It hurting which makes me remind that i won't be able to come here or see my house again & makes me cry. Now how do i stop myself from being sad or upset. I have not told anyone at home coz i don't want them 2 be tensed or upset. I don't know what to do. i have taken some pics of my house yesterday i.e. 11th may 2010 Tuesday (just to remember). I wish there could be some kind of magic which would let us stay here forever & no further problems of leaving. :( :(( :( :(( Plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz i don't wanna go.

What do i do??????

I dont know what to do????????? How do i tell people my problems coz i know what will they say. They will not try to understand what am i going through (i doubt anyone will). Coz again they will tell me what they think but not try to understand what i feel or think. I don't wanna shift from my house. I am more sad & upset coz of this than not getting a job. I cry every time i think of leaving i.e. all day & night but alone as i dont want anyone to see that i am crying & give them tension. My cousin just called up seeing my sad status in FB & asked me what happened but i did not tell coz i know she will say the same thing as she herself has shifted so obviously she will say that you have to move on (i know that but may be don't want 2 do anything as i am so attached to my house :( :(( ) . I don't know what to do. I just hope that some how we dont have to go but some where i am thinking that we will have to go :( :(( whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy???????????? I am not liking this. I am not liking anything around me even GOD & as usual blaming him for all this tension. But people say that ' whatever happens , happens for good ' but i dont see how leaving house is good (may be atleast for me as i have stayed here for long) but then i dont know what to think & say. Only a MIRACLE can help (but i dont know anything will happen). :( :((

Why is this happening to me only ?????????

' Why is this happening to me only???? ' is said when we have problems or crisis, etc. And when we have problems it feels like YOU are the only one with whom this is happening or ONLY YOU are the one with whom injustice is being done either by people or GOD. And then we blame them & mostly GOD & say that its coz of u this is happening to me. ' What is UR problem with me or may be U don't like me????????? Whats the matter ????????? What wrong have I done??????? ' are the questions we ask GOD. But no reply. Why ?????? & How do we get his reply?????????? Now we all blame him for our miseries. I do that a lot. Now I don't want to shift or go away to live anywhere else & i am blaming GOD for doing this. I am crying when I am alone but i told my some friends among whom some said why do u cry & said that I have changed places so many times & said why are u doing so much NATAK & u are just leaving ur place & again the same after marriage a girl has to leave & girls are always emotional. Now , not everyone are same so I am very emotional & i get emotionally attached to things or people who are close to me & also i get hurt when they get hurt or if they say something which i did not expect them to say. Now i cant help if i am so attached to my house that i do not want to live elsewhere. Come on, i have lived since my birth till now i.e. 25 yrs & going to turn 26. And i don't want 2 show my family that i am sad coz they will be sad. So, when dad asked me during dinner that what happened to me i said that my legs were paining. But i think they know i am sad coz i had told them before that i will not go from here. It is difficult for me to even think about living elsewhere. I know i should not be so attached but i can help it. I am an emotional fool but i am trying to be strong. But I still don't want 2 go anywhere else & i am also angry on GOD for doing this to me & i blame him for it. May be i am wrong or very sentimental but cant help it. :( :((

Feeling of Newness !!!!!!!!!!!

I am glad to do the personality development course which was from 26 april - 2nd may 2010 i.e. for a week. I learnt so many things from Colonel Ravindra Joshi as he parted with his knowledge& gave us support & patiently listened to our problems & then giving us solutions. It was a great experience. I am practicing the exercises to gain my confidence (most importantly), open up & speak without being hesitant,stage & public fear i.e. cannot speak in font of public , think positively, etc. I really want to overcome these problems which will help me to become a new person overall. First will have to transform from inside i.e. the self then only outside changes will take place, do deliberate self talk & think positively , etc. Will have to help myself to make me a new person & confident person. I have also got new friends from the classes who have also helped me. Thank you Sir & friends for your help & support. I hope we all can do & become & achieve what we want to in life & spread happiness all over & be happy.

Lonely :(

'Lonely......I Mr. Lonely ......there is nobody ......i'm on my own.' Sometimes i feel lonely. Why?? I don't know. Inspite of having people around , I am alone. Are we all not , somewhere at some point we all feel lonely. I feel coz thats what i do at home sit in my room with the door closed & surf net, FB, watch movies, chat with friends, do work/assignments,etc. but all in the closed room which is lonely but we have each other, so it make me feel safe but still somewhere i want someone (may be god, fairy,etc) with whom i can talk & share my problems & can be advised for the same. Whom i can talk about anything & everything. (i know it's like a fairy tale story which does not happen in real.) But i wish we could actually live the fairy tale stories which we hear with little problems & a lot of happiness. We used to read the Hansel & gratel stories & wished that there was an actual house made of chocolates , biscuits, ice-creams, candies,etc. but without the witch. But you don't always get what ever you want coz in recent times there are many witches/bad people in one house despite the house being like a fairy tale one. Loneliness makes me cry for things i wished to do but could'nt or make me think what should i have done or if i chose the other option then what would have happened?? But when you are alone i.e. being with yourself you understand yourself better but in my case i dont know whther i know myself better than some people do or may be the quizzes i take on FB does (lol) or may be the counsellor does after talking to me. I don't think i know myself better but i try to ponder over myself to know me better may be through these quizzes or by talking to a counsellor that i dont even at home but i do talk with some close friends. I am comfortable talking to them, even the counsellor ( but not everything yet) & now even while writing the blog but why do we not feel comfortable while talking at home about whats going on inside us?????? i can't understand ????? So that's one reason which makes me sit in my room shut from everyone , LONELY. So, that's why i am most of the time quite (not much talkative) & have shut myself from the surroundings & people about whatever is going in my mind. I feel that sometimes even my friends don't want to talk to me or may be busy as they say as they don't pick my call up (atleast can reply by msg if u r busy so i won't call again instead of giving reasons 4 not picking up) or suddenely go offline after chatting for sometime (or may be the connection problem). May be my talks are boring or something as they dont have a choice but to listen (atleast say that so i wont talk again about anything like that.) I feel so UNWANTED sometimes n also USELESS as people wanna avoid me (may be its all in my head & its not what i think but what do i do if i feel so.) I wish there could be some magic like we see in shows & help us over come what ever barrier or whatever it is which cannot be explained (may be).

Confused ?????????????

'U R SO CONFUSED' / "WHY R U SO CONFUSED?" This is what people tell me. I am always confused but sometimes i feel people themselves are confused & they make you more confused. Sometimes they say something & then they say something. In an example of a career they say remain focus on one but then they only say that the other career option is much better or has a good scope, now won't the mind get confused & then when you choose some other career , there are so many options in the career you choose. There are so many sub parts that you dont know what to choose. Then why won't the mind be confused. If you want us not to be confused then give us limited option (which i doubt will be possible) or just guide us & let the decision be OURS instead of listening to others & telling us what to do & STOP saying everytime why r u so CONFUSED. Even if the person is not you will try & make him. You need to understand the person & clear the confusion. MAy be the person is thinking something else or something is going on in his/her head so that does not mean the person is confused. It's just you don't understand the person however close you are to him/her (how much ever you claim that you understand but you don't).

Conditioned system !!!!!!!!!!

You keep quite & the world will take advantage of you. Well, it must be true, but question is,' IS it actually/really true??' Well, if you dont talk much, does it mean that you are scared , fearful, etc?????? Can't you be quite & still be recognized, let people not take advantage of you or let yourslef not get exploited ?????I went for counselling to my college where , sir told me the answer to this question. He said that people who say such things or tag you with names have conditioned themselves to these things that they have seen or have lived their life in these conditions. They have not seen beyond this. They know that people whom talk will always win but they have not seen where by staying quite also people win as their work speaks for them. They do not realise that by doing /saying so what the person who is been said to is going through. They don't know what physical/mental problems is going within him/her when he/she hears such thing. Not only their morale goes down but also self confidence goes for a toss. People who wants the person to be bold & confident is losing them coz people don't realise that even if they are saying this to help , it's not helping the peroson but pushing him/her away from it.Every person is UNIQUE within himself/herself & people should try & let them be as they are & try to understand them instead of putting their thinking into the person , lets the person think what he/she is capable of or what they can do. Stop judging people & telling them what you feel is right or wrong, let him/her decide this for themselves. Be a GUIDE & not a DICTATOR.

Art of living !!!!!!!!!

Felt nice, energised, light ,etc. in the 1st day in art of living class. The class is of 3 days i.e. fri, sat n sun. Felling really nice, got my body numb wid a current in the sudarshan kriya - d breathing exercise, felt the body getting heavy with the breathing exercise while the chant 'SOHAM' was being played in the background. Hope it teaches me not to stress much. Did the 3 stages of prayanam with the ujjain exercise (again a breathing exercise). Learnt the 4 essential things for the body i.e. food, sleep, thought/knowledge & breath (one should know what to take in how much quantity , the technique,etc.) It is a learning process n i hope i learn as much as i can. Recommended 2 all 2 be a part of the Art Of Living class.

Focus !!!!!!!!

Focus a word which has different meaning. Focus is something which everyone should have in life. But how & on what?? That's the question which we all have to find out. Well, it is not easy to have focus on one thing but if you have focus on one thing then stick to it. But again sticking to one thing is again a human choice. But as we are humans we want to keep exploring & take up many other things besides one. Now in school & college while choosing a subject or a career we need to focus on one thing. But with so many choices how do we focus on one thing. It creates a confusion. But even if we choose one (which is not easy) & stick to it & if we don't get the job required as a fresher in that field /area then we are said to be open in other areas. Then why are we asked to FOCUS on one thing?? Does it not create further confusion & havoc in one's life. First you say focus on one thing despite so many choices then stick to it & then we are asked to take up other things also. There is so much of confusion in your life & the person suggesting it must be more confused / unsure of what he or she is saying. What should be the solution to such a CONFUSION??????

Life a Joke !!!!!!!!

Joke is something that makes one laugh & may b sometimes u don't like it n say it's a PJ. But life is such a joke that has too many emotions. It makes one laugh, cry, sad, happy, good, bad, etc. It depends on the individual how he/she takes this joke. I am saying that it gives happiness with more tears which is what i think as i have this thinking that , that's what life has given till now & further also there might be more tears. I know that i have made my mind to think this way & actually life will not necessary do this. But mind has its own reasoning which differs from the one that the heart does. May be also the situations / circumstances that occur in life makes me think this way. But i also know that tears dont give any solution but makes one weak which when displayed in front of people can either make u a joke or make u gain sympathy & make people think ' poor girl/boy ' & make u feel more weak in front of others & also make u feel inferior in front of people (which i dont like) , but still tears do come which makes u feel better & also makes u feel that u r not worthy of anything. I don't know what to do. Need someone to guide me & make me strong.